Waste of space
by nodistancelefttorun
Summary: Kurt is sad. All the time. He is falling apart and no one even notices. But then a new kid comes to McKinley. Someone with triangle eyebrows and super curly hair...  OBS! mentions of self-harm, suicidal thoughts, angst... all that stuff. might trigger!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: no, I do not own Glee or any of the characters.

_[Kurt's' POV]_

Kurt Hummel was walking down the hallways of McKinley High School.  
>He was dressed as his usual self: tight black pants matched with a black shirt covered in (also black) feathers. On his head he wore a silvery hat with lots of sequences. He received a few glares and harsh comments on his walk towards his locker, but he ignored them all. He was more than used to it.<p>

To everyone else, it seemed like Kurt Hummel was the most confident boy in the world.  
>He held his head high when he was being tormented by his peers and he never surrendered to their hatred; he always kept true to himself. He dressed exactly how he wanted to and he didn't shrink into himself when he was being criticized for it.<p>

He stood up for himself and refused to be made into something that he wasn't. He was proud of his sense of fashion, his good grades, his wonderful friends, his voice. Kurt was a member of McKinley Glee club, called New Directions. He was so proud of himself, for those and many more reasons.

… only that sometimes, he wasn't. Sometimes, Kurt was so beaten down by everyone hating him that he just couldn't stand up in the morning.

And that intense hatred sometimes turned on him and made him hate himself too. Why couldn't he be a normal boy like everyone else? Why couldn't he too be satisfied with mediocre clothes from the Gap, and why couldn't he settle for a girlfriend? Why couldn't he just fit in like everyone else? Why did he have to be such an emotional, worthless waste of space...

And sometimes, he stayed home from school, telling his dad and his new wife Carole that he was sick, just so he could spend the entire day crying in his room. And the next day he would return to school, smiling and laughing and dying a little more inside as the school jocks continued mocking his entire existence.  
>No one saw the pain behind his strained smile. Or maybe they did. Maybe they just didn't <em>want<em> to see how much he was hurting.

And for the last couple of months, Kurt had been hurting _really _bad. He was constantly sad.  
>He wasn't covering up his sadness as well as before. Slowly, the wreck inside started to show.<p>

But then he had discovered a way to release some of that sadness, making it easier to maintain his happy façade when in school. And he knew it was unhealthy, he knew it was a dangerous habit, and he knew it was addictive and _wrong_... but he couldn't help himself.

The first time that cool, sharp blade cut through his pale skin and red, hot blood poured down his arm, he couldn't help feeling deeply relieved. And since that first cut in March, he hadn't been able to stop. At first he did it maniacally as often as he could get a hand on something sharp.

But shortly he became so ashamed of this new technique that he decided to quit. Or, well, at least try to control the amount of times he let himself slip back to the comfort of his razor. He kept a secret list of the days where he cut so they wouldn't get too many. He had a secret box in his wardrobe containing a razor, some bandages and the list. So far this month, September, he had written down 7 dates out of the 22 that had passed. And no one even noticed.

But today, Kurt was having a good day. He hadn't used his razor in a week.  
>He had his, for the time being, favourite hat on and no one had slushied him yet. Getting 'slushied' was on McKinley an established bullying technique. The kids in Glee Club, or anyone who wasn't 'normal', usually got a couple of these a day.<p>

Today was luckily one of the rare days when Kurt wasn't welcomed to school by the jocks throwing him into a dumpster or pushing him to the ground before showering him with a slushie and then walking away laughing. They hadn't come after him so far, although he was certain they would sooner or later.

But he was determined to enjoy the peace and quiet as long as he could. As he reached his locker, he looked in the mirror attached to the locker door to check if his hair was still acceptable. He modified it slightly, and as he closed the door and turned around he found himself faced with an unfamiliar boy with wild, curly hair.

He had soft hazel eyes which were now widened in chock. Kurt looked confusedly at him. He felt really self-conscious. Had he done something wrong? Did he have anything on his face? After a few seconds the boy turned on his heel and disappeared down the hall.  
>Kurt was left standing there, feeling very uncomfortable.<p>

Who was the boy and why did he look so scared?  
>As he pondered over this, his feet automatically carried him to his first class of the day.<br>And before he knew it he was sitting in the back in his French class, his teacher already handing out instructions for the lesson.

He was taking it with one of his best friends, Mercedes. She was also in Glee Club.  
>But today she wasn't there. Kurt figured she was home sick, because she never missed class otherwise. So he was to endure the lesson by himself. He was fluent in French so the assignments wouldn't be a problem, but he hated being by himself when everyone else had someone. That was just his lot in life, wasn't it? Being alone.<p>

He sighed and looked down at the sheet of questions he had been handed.  
>He began translating them as instructed. But he, and the rest of the students, were soon interrupted by someone bursting in the door, looking around breathlessly. It was the boy from the hallway.<p>

"I...I'm sorry I'm late", he said, looking absolutely flustered.

"You must be the new student", the French teacher said with a gentle smile.  
>The boy nodded, relaxing a little when he wasn't being yelled at.<p>

"I know it must be hard to find your classes on your first day, so I won't report this. You can just take a seat", she said, still ever so kindly.

He smiled gratefully, but was then faced with another problem.

"Um, there's no available seat", he said.  
>The teacher looked out across the classroom, and Kurt instantly knew what was coming.<p>

"You can sit in the back with Kurt. He's terrific with French so I trust he'll help you if you should have any problems", she said and pointed to Kurt.

The boy stiffened, but obeyed and went to sit with him. Kurt nodded curtly and resumed his own work.

Kurt, having had time to think about the boy's previous actions, had decided that he was being so weird towards Kurt because he had heard that Kurt was gay and didn't want to get too close. It made sense, because the boy was really stiff during the entire period and he didn't even glance at Kurt. When it was over, he got up and left the room as quickly as possibly.

Kurt didn't care. Or, more accurate: he was trying not to care. People were doing this all the time. He was used to it. But it still hurt.  
>He left the classroom and went to get the books he would need for next class.<br>Halfway to Geography, a brunette came up to him, looking dangerously furious.

"Okay, Kurt, here's the deal. If we are to have _any_ chance at winning Sectionals, I _need_ to get that solo that Mr Schue gave to Quinn. I mean, she's great, but I think we can both agree that she's not star material. I'm our only chance! And we _need_ to find more members because we can't even compete in this state! We are _forced_ to find at least one more member or we're doomed. You have to help me convince the others in practise on Thursday. They just won't listen to me! I don't know, they must be intimidated by my incredible talent...", the girl rambled on.

Her name was Rachel Berry, and she was the star of New Directions. She was also a bit full of herself.  
>Kurt sighed.<p>

"No, Rachel, I won't take the solo away from Quinn. She really deserved it. And as for the new member part, I do agree with you. But no one at this school will join, so what's the point in trying? Might as well enjoy the time we have left", Kurt said with a shrug.

If they didn't win Sectionals, their principal would dissolve the Glee Club. And in order to win they needed more members.

"You can't just give up, Kurt! We can't let Sue win, that's what she wants!" Rachel cried.

Sue Sylvester was the coach of the cheerleading team the Cheerios. She loathed the Glee Club above everything else.  
>Kurt shrugged again.<p>

"I just..." he began. But Rachel cut him off, pointing behind him.

"Who is he? I haven't seen him before. Is he new?" She asked.

He turned around and saw the boy who had sat with him in French class stand by a locker, taking out some books for his next class.

"He's new, yes", Kurt said.

"Can he sing?" Rachel asked hopefully.

"How on earth am I supposed to know that?" Kurt asked impatiently.

"You don't have to snap on me, Kurt. Let's go ask him", she said with a bright smile.

"I don't think we should. He... I don't know, he seems a little homophobic. I don't know if he would fit in", Kurt said hesitantly.

He hated being prejudice himself, maybe the new boy wasn't a homophobe, but he really couldn't take the risk. He was constantly bullied outside of the four walls of the choir room: it was his safety zone. He couldn't have anyone homophobic in there.

But before he could stop her, Rachel had gone up to the new kid.  
>Kurt stayed behind, not wanting the boy to see him. He pretended to be very occupied with his locker and its content. He listened closely to their conversation, though.<p>

"Hello! My name is Rachel Berry", Rachel introduced herself and shook the new boys hand excitedly. He jumped slightly.

"Um, hi. I'm Blaine", he replied, shaking her hand nervously.

"I heard you're new here. Have you had a good first day so far?" She asked kindly.

"Um, yes. Yes, I guess so", he said, frowning slightly.

"Terrific. Look, I'm in this schools Glee Club and we need at least one more member to compete at Regionals in a couple of weeks. I was wondering if you wanted to join? You don't really have to sing, we just need more people. You can just stand in the back and pretend to sing, no one would notice. So, what do you say?" Rachel asked, smiling as brightly as she could possibly manage.

He looked confused.

"Glee Club? I... I don't know. I'm trying not to draw attention to myself", he said slowly.

"Oh, don't worry, being in Glee is totally cool. All the popular people are members", Rachel lied.

That's when Kurt decided to step in.

"Look... Blaine, was it? If you're new here, you shouldn't join. Rachel, be quiet. We Glee kids are constantly being harrassed and if you want to lay low you should stay away from us", he said.

Blaine looked taken aback as Kurt approached him.  
>He opened his mouth, no words coming out. It made Kurt feel insecure again and he hated it.<p>

"Whatever", he said and turned on his heel.

It _did_ hurt him when people were so openly scared of him. Or disgusted. Or appalled. Or whatever they were.  
>They just looked at him as if he were a freak, and he was sick of it.<br>_

I've kind of re-written the chapters in an attempt to improve them. Hope it's more easily read now...


	2. Chapter 2

_[Blaine's POV]  
><em>  
>"Um... what did I do?" Blaine asked Rachel as he followed Kurt's disappearing back with his eyes.<p>

"Well, he's quite sensitive to homophobes. And no matter how _wrong_ I think your belief is, I really do need you to join New Directions. That's the name of our Glee Club", Rachel said. She made no attempt in going after Kurt. She looked intently at Blaine.  
>He opened his mouth again, still not quite managing to form words.<p>

"You think I'm a homophobe?" He asked finally, horrified.

"Kurt obviously does. He said something about you acting weird in French class or something... I don't know, I just believed him because he's generally right about these things", Rachel said with a shrug.

"Well, I'm not! Absolutely not", Blaine said clearly.

"Great, then I don't have to treat you like crap. Good to know. _Anyway_, what do you say about Glee?" She pressed on eagerly.

"Um, I don't know. I mean, I do like to sing, but as I said I don't want to...", he began.

"Alright, then atleast come to practise at four on Thursday. It's in the choir room. See you then!" Rachel said and scurried off before Blaine could say no, or even ask for more specific directions.

He sighed and returned to his locker. He was ashamed of himself for being so openly in awe of Kurt.  
>Or, well, his admiration had obviously been misinterpreted as disgust. He was no where near disgusted by him.<p>

He just found Kurt so amazingly beautiful he lost his ability to speak as soon as he saw him. He had tried to talk to him in French class, he really had, but he just couldn't manage to form a sensible sentence when faced with him. So he had sat there, quietly, having done absolutely none of his assignments when the period was over as he was 1) too busy thinking about Kurt, and 2) he was absolutely rubbish at French.

He figured he would apologise to him in Glee Club. But then again, what would he say? 'Hello Kurt, I am so fascinated by you that I get paralysed when I see you. I'm Blaine, nice to meet you'. He sounded like such a fan boy. Which he, of course, was in a way. He sighed, closed the door to his locker and headed to his next class.

When Thursday rolled around, Blaine had been at McKinley for a total of four days.  
>He had survived, yes. Had he enjoyed it? No.<p>

He had gone through his first day without being assaulted by anyone, probably because he made sure to walk through the hallways when they were as empty as possible and the jocks were elsewhere. He had had lots of practise as to how to become invisible in a public high school during his earlier school years.

He didn't eat in the cafeteria because he knew from experience that most bullying took place there. He would be humiliated when he didn't know which table to sit at.  
>High schools were so obsessed with labels, and he didn't have one. Yet.<br>And he intended on keeping it that way as long as possible. He knew he would never become one of the jocks or the cheerleaders. He would be one of the outcasts. One of the losers. And he hated the thought of having to hide who he was just to fit in and avoid being teased every day, but at the same time he couldn't stand going through all that misery again.

So he ate his lunch in a hidden staircase which, he learned, was always empty around lunch time. He avoided big crowds as much as possible. He kept quiet and avoided looking anyone in the eye.

But on his second day, he was a little too relaxed and bumped into the school jocks in the hallway. They pushed him into a locker so he twisted his shoulder in a not very healthy way. They high-fived each other and called him 'newbie' before they walked away laughing. Same thing happened on Wednesday, even if Blaine was more careful with where and when he went. They found him and shoved him into the wall, head first. He noticed that even though the hallway was far from empty, no one tried to help him. They all looked the other way.

He also noticed that classes at McKinley was much easier than at his old school. He had transferred from Dalton Academy, a private school two hours away. He had been really happy there because of the zero-tolerance no-bullying policy. But then his dad had gotten a job in Lima and they had been forced to move. Blaine had transferred to Dalton as a freshmen because of the bullying on his previous (also a public) school. But despite this, his dad still transferred him to the public school McKinley when they moved to Lima.

Blaine had been a member of the Dalton Fight Club where he learned how to defend himself against bullies. When he was at Dalton, bullies were of course not a problem. But because he was gay he was constantly in danger of being harrassed outside of the safe walls of the school.  
>He was an excellent fighter and, if he wanted to, he could easily punch all the jocks at McKinley senseless.<p>

But he had promised himself not to use violence again after a nasty incident at Dalton where he lost his temper and seriously hurt one of his fellow students. They weren't friends and he had in many aspects been a total bitch to Blaine, but that didn't give Blaine the right to punch his face in and earn him two weeks in the hospital. No, he wouldn't use his fighting this time.

It never did him any good. Because Blaine had never been good with his temper and it easily got out of hand.  
>But it was a good weapon, when he had used it. People generally didn't think he was strong enough to take them down so they weren't threatened by him. He was short and didn't look like he had much muscles but he was quick and his techniques were great, even now when he hadn't practised in a while.<p>

After his last class on Thursday, he went to the choir room. He had went looking for it on Tuesday to be absolutely sure he'd know his way there on Thursday.  
>He was the first one to arrive, so he first thought he had gotten the room wrong after all.<br>But soon students came filing in through the door, chatting happily amongst themselves.

They soon noticed Blaines presence, and they all stared at him in confusion. Clearly no one had told them about him. He felt embarrassed. What if Rachel had only done this to mock him? What if it was a cruel practical joke? What if-  
>He didn't get further until Rachel and Kurt entered the room accompanied by a black girl with long, black hair. She gave him a suspicious look.<p>

"Who the hell are you?" She questioned loudly.

Rachel turned to see who she referred to, and lit up.

"You came! Guys, this is... um, what was your name again-", she mumbled embarrassedly.

"Blaine", Kurt filled in automatically.

He looked a little flushed for some reason, but he quickly took a seat on the far end of the room so Blaine couldn't look at him without being obvious as he sat in the front row.

"Right! This is Blaine! He's new here at McKinley, and as we need at least one more member to place at Sectionals I invited him here to see if he might want to join. You're welcome", she said to the room over all, a smug smile on her lips.

There was a small silence.

"Um, that's great, Rach. But- can he even sing?" A tall boy with brown hair asked.

"Who cares? All he needs to do is stand in the background", Rachel said with a shrug.

"Rachel, don't you think you're being a little rude?" The only grown up present said warningly.

"Blaine, would you like to sing something for us? Everyone who tries out gets into the club, it's more of a formality to see how we can use your voice", the man said kindly.

Blaine recognised him from the board outside the teachers lounge where a small picture of all the teachers were nailed up. His name was Will Schuester and he taught Spanish and Glee Club.

"Um, I don't have anything prepared. I mean, I haven't sung in front of people in a while", Blaine said hesitantly.

He really didn't want to screw up. And everyone looked so on guard, nothing but suspicioun in their eyes. Except for a blonde girl with a cheerleader outfit on who winked happily at him a few seats away. And Kurt... he just looked everywhere but in Blaines direction.

"Have you ever sung in front of people?" Mr Schuester asked.

The group had all taken their seat, but no one had chosen the ones closest to Blaine.  
>He felt like such an outcast. And he had heard a lot about the Glee Club in the hallways and according to the other students it consisted solely of freaks and outcasts. The thought of him being an outcast in a group of outcasts was not soothing.<p>

"Well, yeah. I transferred from Dalton Academy and I was the soloist in their Glee Club", Blaine said.

His confidence swelled slightly as he could _feel_ the looks of awe on him.

"Wow, really? That's really impressive. They're amazing. Well, Blaine, we'd love to hear you sing", Mr Schuester said.

He got to his feet to take his place in front of the other Glee members.  
>He could see Kurt straightening up in his seat in the corner of his eye.<p>

"Um, well, as I said I don't have anything prepared...", he said slowly.

"Do you have any song in your back pocket? Like, a song you sing all the time, in the shower or in the car or such?" Mr Schuester asked helpfully.

Blaine nodded.

"Yeah, alright, I've got a song", he said.

"Great. We'll back you up if you need to", Mr Schuester promised.

By the look on the Glee kids' faces, Blaine seriously doubted it.  
>Why was he even doing this? These people clearly didn't want him there. Even Rachel looked hesitant now. Had she changed her mind about him already? The truth was that Blaine really missed performing. He loved to sing, and he hadn't been able to since he left Dalton before the summer holiday.<br>And so he swallowed with some difficulty, opened his mouth and sang the first lyrics.

* * *

><p>So, I'm kind of writing from both Kurt and Blaines perspectives. Obviously, haha... I'm working on the next chapters and I guess they'll be up soon too. x<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

_[Kurt's' POV]_

Blaine had come to Glee practise. Rachel had told Kurt that she had asked Blaine to come, but Kurt hadn't expected him to actually show up. He had mixed feeling towards the curly boy.

On one side he was deeply intrigued. He was quiet and didn't stand out much in the crowd, but Kurt could sense there was a side to him that he didn't show. But on the other hand he acted so strange whenever Kurt was around and it kept him from approaching Blaine. He didn't dare talk to him, because what if Kurt began liking him and Blaine secretly thought he was awful?

Blaine was just the type Kurt would go for. He was drop dead gorgeous, he appeared to be a little nerdy, he seemed shy and polite and kind. And he sang.

And if he was in fact the ex-soloist for The Warblers of Dalton Academy, he must be extremely talented. And sure thing, as soon as he stepped in front of the New Directions and opened his mouth, Kurt was in complete awe.

He had to pull himself together not to let his mouth fall open. Blaines' voice was just as gorgeous as he was himself.  
>But it was not just his voice that made Kurt tear up.<p>

The song he had chosen, his go-to song, was one of Kurts absolute favourites: A Whole New World, from the Disney classic Aladdin.

Blaine seemed embarrassed over the childish choice of song, but to Kurt it was just another proof of how good friends they would be if they only got to know each other.  
>Kurt loved Disney more than he loved his own life. Which, of course, was not a tall order, but still.<br>He _really _loved Disney, and no one he knew shared that with him.

When Blaine finished, he looked around the room nervously. They all applauded and the stiffness that had been floating around the room was suddenly gone.  
>Some got up to hug him and they all praised his singing.<br>Santana, as expected, eyed him up and down and smiled seductively.

"You can tap this any day you want baby", she winked.

Blaine looked extremely uncomfortable at this.  
>As they all sat down again from the standing ovation and Blaine moved to sit outside of the group as before, Kurt met his eye and motioned for him to sit next to him.<br>Blaine blinked stupidly before nodding slightly and sitting down on the top row in between him and Tina who sat on his other side. She introduced herself and Mike, her boyfriend, who sat on the opposite side of her.

Everyone seemed glad that Blaine chose to audition except for, funny enough, Rachel.  
>Kurt realised she felt her position as soloist was threatened. But of course, she would still get all the female leads. Only that Blaine would probably take over some, if not all, of the <em>male <em>leads which meant Rachel wouldn't get to sing all the romantic duets with Finn, her boyfriend.

"That was really fantastic! You are totally in!" Mr Schuester announced as he took his place at the front.

"Um, I'm not sure I want to join. I just came to... see what it's like", Blaine said carefully.

"That's alright. Just know that we'd love to have you", Mr Schuester said with a smile.

"Of course you should join. Why wouldn't you?" Kurt said quietly to Blaine as Mr Schuester began their lesson.

"You said so yourself, I shouldn't join if I don't want to stick out-", Blaine said.

"Oh, come on. Sure, you'll get slushied every once in a while, and you'll probably be teased constantly, but you'll have us. We Glee kids stick up for each other outside of these four walls too, so if you get into any trouble, we'll help you. Of course, we'll help you when in trouble even if you don't join... but still. It would be really good for all of us to have more star power. God knows I'm sick of Finn and Rachel getting all the good parts...", Kurt said in a hushed voice.

Blaine hesitated.

"I don't know-", he mumbled.

Kurt smiled reassuringly at him.

"You don't have to decide today", he said.

Kurt knew he shouldn't be trying to befriend the new kid. Kurt was just sure he would end up liking him a little too much, and after having that crush on Finn who were now his half-brother, he knew he couldn't handle it. It was exhausting.  
>But Blaine was just <em>so interesting.<em>He couldn't help himself. And he seemed much more inclined to talk to Kurt now, for some reason.

"Um, about before- Rachel mentioned that you thought that I was a homophobe, and well, I'm not. I promise", Blaine said awkwardly.

Kurt cursed Rachel for telling him. So embarrassing.

"I didn't really think- or well, yes, I did. Why else did you act so weird?" Kurt asked.

"I was intimidated by you", Blaine confessed.

Kurt looked at him, wide-eyed.

"You're joking, right?" He said doubtfully.

"Well, no. You're so fashion forward and so confident and- um. Yeah", Blaine blushed.

Kurt laughed.

"Yes, well, I do admit you don't seem to have much sense for fashion. But you do have lots of potential. You just need a little makeover", he said.

"Well, at Dalton we had school uniforms so I never had to think about what I was wearing to school", Blaine explained.

"I wouldn't survive a day in a school uniform. I would probably kill myself if I had to wear it every day", Kurt said with a disgusted look on his face.

Blaine laughed softly.

"Hey, Kurt, pay attention!" Mr Schuester called, making Kurt snap his head forwards again.

"Sorry, Mr Schue", he said innocently.

They stayed quiet from then on, listening to Mr Schuesters lecture about how amazing Journey were. Blaine looked a little taken aback. He obviously weren't a big fan like Mr Schue.  
>When the hour was over, they all got up from their seats to leave.<p>

School was over for today, and Kurt didn't have any plans. He glanced at Blaine who was busy rummaging through his bag. His curls were hanging down in his eyes, obviously irritating him as he pushed them back with a sigh. He straightened up.

"I should just go back to using hair gel every day. I did at Dalton because you have to look proper there, but here I just couldn't bother. But it's really annoying to have them all in your face", he said and pulled his hand through his hair.

Kurt shook his head and threw his bag over his shoulder.

"No, I think it looks great", he said.

"Yeah, well, I've always been teased for it. Just like everyone makes fun of my eyebrows. I wish I could just look a little more normal", Blaine said with a frown.

He did have very special eyebrows. But that was just a part of his charm. Kurt wouldn't change them even if he could.

"We had a Lady Gaga week last week were we sang Born This Way, and we made these t-shirts where we wrote what ever made us feel insecure. And then we did the number, Born This Way, and everyone wore those shirts so we all were kind of forced to accept our own flaws. I think that's what you need to do as well. Accept who you are. Because what makes you different from everyone else is what makes you special", Kurt said.

He hadn't meant for it to sound so cheesy. God, he was an idiot. But Blaine didn't seem to think it was cheesy or tacky. He just smiled.

"Thank you. No one has ever told me that", he said sincerily.

Kurt smiled back.

"So, um, do you have plans after school? Or do you want to get coffee or something?" Blaine asked.

To say that Kurt was surprised would be an understatement.

"Yes, sure", he replied.


	4. Chapter 4

_[Blaine's POV]  
><em>  
>Blaine was having the worst day.<br>He got up at 7am on Wednesday morning the following week. First, his hair was even more uncontrollable than usual. He dropped his toothbrush in the toilet, so he had to pick a new one from the package in the bathroom, and the only colour left was orange. And Blaine _hated_orange.

Once he had gotten dressed, eaten his breakfast (and while doing so burning three out of four toasts in the toaster) and brushed his teeth, he went out to his car. Just as he opened the door to get in, he slipped and only managed to stay on his feet by grabbing the door and thereby twisting his wrist in a not-so-healthy way. He hadn't done serious injury to it, but it still hurt for a while.

Then he had driven to school as usual around 8am. He had locked his car and went inside the school building to stop by at his locker before his first class. On his way there he had his headphones on as he was listening to Born This Way.

Kurt's words last Thursday had really stuck with him, and Born This Way had been on repeat on his iPod ever since.  
>But because he was listening to music, quite loudly, he didn't hear when the McKinley jocks came up to him from behind. They grabbed him by the elbows and dragged him with them into a well hid corner. They kicked him to the ground, laughing at him and spitting on him.<p>

"I've heard you've been hanging out with the top queer, Hummel. You see, Anderson, you should watch your steps. You wouldn't want to catch that disease", one of the bigger jocks said, smiling cruelly.

His name was Karofsky, Kurt had told Blaine. He was the nastiest bully.

Blaine was too out of breath to reply. He knew the "disease" they were referring to was homosexuality. It wasn't really a secret that Kurt was gay.  
>Blaine hadn't told Kurt, or anyone at McKinley, that he too was gay.<br>It didn't bother him because it gave the bullies one reason less to harrass him. And it's not like he was _hiding_who he was. If someone would ask him, he would tell them the truth. He just didn't see a reason to scream it at the top of his lungs before he absolutely had to.

Or, well, there was one reason. Kurt.  
>Blaine could see how miserable he was at being the only openly gay kid at McKinley.<br>He wanted to help him, support him. Let him know he wasn't alone.  
>But he didn't know how to bring it up before it sounding like he was hitting on Kurt.<p>

"Anderson, you listening?" Karofsky barked.

Blaine jumped as he was pulled back to reality.

"No, not really. What were you saying?" He asked mockingly.

Karofskys eyes narrowed.

"Are you making fun of me, little homo?" He asked quietly.

"You wouldn't know if I was, would you?" Blaine continued on.

He knew he shouldn't be pushing them, especially when he was in this vulnerable position.  
>But he couldn't help himself. He was so close to just getting to his feet and punching those disgustingly superior smirks off of their faces. Making snide remarks was the only somewhat satisfactory outlet of feelings he had left.<p>

"Ey, Dave, I think there are teachers coming", one of the bullies said nervously.

Karofsky looked down at Blaine, a dangerous smirk on his lips.

"We'll come back for you, homo", he said.

Blaine attempted a confident smile in return, but it was instantly removed as Karofsky aimed a kick to his stomach before disappearing with his comrades.  
>Blaine allowed himself a second to feel the pain before he staggered to his feet, smoothed out his simple v-neck shirt and left the corner to resume his walk to his locker. He never allowed himself to be seen vulnerable if he could avoid it.<p>

And after that, it didn't really go smoothly either. On his way to French Class on third period, he found Karofsky and his friends waiting for him when he turned the corner in the hallway where he had his locker. Before he had time to react, they had thrown an ice cold blueberry slushie in his face.

He closed his eyes in time but still had the sticky beverage dripping down his clothes, completely destroying them. He gasped, something he immediately regretted. What happened to _don't let anyone see you weak_? He asked himself angrily.  
>The jocks laughed at him and pushed past him.<p>

Blaine just stood there, completely soaked and thoroughly miserable. He didn't know what to do. He could feel tears forming in his eyes. He tried to fight them down, but this day had just been so awful.

Once again he was standing in the middle of a crowded hallway, yet no one decided to try and help him. Most of the other students just laughed at him. But just as he felt he was going to break down, in front of everyone, he felt a soft hand on his shoulder. Kurt.  
>Blaine looked at him with glassy eyes.<p>

"Come on, I have a spare shirt in my locker", Kurt mumbled.

He took Blaines hand and led him into the Girls' bathroom. Blaine was too upset to notice.  
>Kurt helped him to sit down on the floor and then left him there for a minute while he went to get his spare shirt.<p>

When he returned, Blaine had just pulled himself together from the initial chock.  
>He was so terribly sad that he had kind of blacked out. He was more than confused.<br>Kurt sat down in front of him, looking over the damage made to his clothes and hair.

Blaine didn't look at him. He was too ashamed to be seen like this.  
>Especially by Kurt who was always so strong. They had been spending more and more time since last Thursday. And Blaine was blown away by how even more amazing Kurt was when you got to know him. He had so many sides.<p>

He would spontaniously burst into song, which Blaine always encouraged by joining in.  
>He loved Disney almost as much as Blaine did. He was obsessed with fashion (of course), he loved Vogue and he always watched every award show on TV. He told Blaine that he had been doing it since he was little. His family always knew that when the Golden Globes or the EMA's or whatever where on, the TV was his for the entire evening.<p>

And he was so brave in school. He held his head high and dressed exactly like he wanted to, unlike Blaine who didn't dare use the hundreds of colourful clothes and accessories he had in his wardrobe at home. He just stuck with the simplest combinations so he wouldn't stick out too much.

"Blaine? Are you listening?" Came Kurts soft voice.

Blaine snapped his head upwards, eyes widened.

"Um- sorry, what?" He asked awkwardly.

Kurt smiled hestitantly.

"You need to change out of those clothes or you'll catch a cold. Trust me, I've been there", Kurt said.

Blaine was a little hesitant to undressing in front of Kurt.

Not because he was gay, or- well, yes, because he was gay. Because Blaine was so deeply attracted to him and he was afraid that he'd... react inappropriate.

It wouldn't be the first time he'd reacted like that around Kurt. Kurt just had that effect on him. Kurt saw his hesitance, but seemed to believe it was because he thought it uncomfortable for a straight guy to undress in front of a gay guy. He did believe Blaine was straight after all.

"I can go out while you change", Kurt offered, a hint of the hurt he must be feeling in his eyes.

Blaine shook his head.

"Kurt, no, that's not- Of course you can stay, I don't care", he said.

"No, it's okay. I know that a lot of straight guys are uncomfortable with gay guys. I mean, not that you're homophobic, but that's how many guys are... even the not homophobic ones", Kurt said.

Blaine looked at him carefully.

"Well, that's the thing. I'm not straight", he said.

Kurt dropped his jaw.

"Oh- well, that explains the Vogue", he attempted to joke.

Blaine laughed.

"Yeah, well, it doesn't really matter", he said.

"Right", Kurt said and bit his lip.

"Okay, back to the clothing. We have to be in French class in fifteen minutes", he continued.

"Right, okay", Blaine said.

Without hesitation he pulled his shirt over his head. He had to admit that he was nervous.  
>He really wanted to impress Kurt, even though it was silly.<p>

Kurt handed him the clean shirt, and seemed to be fighting himself not to look.  
>When Blaine was decent, Kurt started working on his hair.<br>Blaine was thankful that he didn't use hair gel because it had been so much harder to clean out hair gel mixed with the slushie.

"The blueberry ones are the worst", Kurt said as he methodically cleaned it out of Blaines hair.

Blaine nodded slowly, not really comprehending the words coming out of Kurts mouth.  
>He was too busy enjoying the gentle touch of his fingers in Blaines hair.<p>

"There you go. All done", Kurt said, all too soon.

Blaine got to his feet. He must admit he was disappointed that they had to stop.  
>He felt so much calmer now than he had a few minutes ago.<p>

"I- thank you. I just- I've had a rough day", Blaine said with a frown.

"Yes, well, this school does that to you. It's hard to stay strong here. I know, I've been trying to since I started here", Kurt said with a weak smile.

Blaine could tell something was troubling him. Something that he was hiding.

"Are you okay, Kurt? You can tell me if something's up, you know", he said slowly.

Fear flashed in Kurts eyes for a second before that fake smile was in place again.

There were not too many people who could seperate his genuine smile from that fake one, but Blaine was one of the few who could. Perhaps because he payed more attention to Kurts body language than his other friends who, in Blaines eyes, was taking him for granted.

"Of course. Now let's go or we'll be late", Kurt said calmly.

Blaine decided not to press the matter. If something was wrong, he would find out sooner or later. He needed to give Kurt his space. They had become good friends over the past week, after all, and it seemed like they were only getting closer each day.

So he smiled and pulled himself together enough to get through the rest of the day.  
>They left the bathroom, making their way to French class.<p>

But before they could even make it there, their path was blocked by those damn jocks.  
>Karofsky smirked cruelly at them.<p>

"Well look, isn't it Queen Queer and Midget Homo", he said.

Blaine clenched his fists, trying hard to stay calm. He had had enough of bullying for one day.

"Get out of our way", Kurt said sharply.

Karofsky raised an eyebrow.

"You dare talk back at me?" He asked quietly and stepped closer to him.

Blaine could see Kurt tremble in his shadow. Karofsky smiled.

"Yeah, I didn't think so", he said.

And with that, he threw Kurt into the nearest wall. A scream of pain escaped his lips as Kurts head hit the metal. He shrunk into a broken shell on the floor, sobbing quietly. His back had taken some of the hit too, and his whole body was hurting terribly.

Blaine's heart shattered in a million tiny pieces in that second. Seeing Kurt; strong, brave, amazing Kurt; lying on the floor like that, as if he was completely broken, made Blaine hurt too. All over. He felt so helpless.  
>He wanted to curl up next to him and kiss away all of his pain. If only he'd let him...<p>

Instead, Blaines pain turned into sheer hatred.

"Who the_ fuck_do you think you are?" He yelled.

Karofsky stepped closer to him too, trying to intimidate him. But Blaine wasn't scared at all.

"I'm not fucking scared of you. You're just a worthless piece of shit who pushes people around to make yourself feel better. And yeah, you can beat me up and call me whatever the fuck you want, but the second you lay a hand at Kurt, you've crossed the line", Blaine screamed.

People had gathered around them, wondering what the yelling was all about.  
>Blaine's normally dapper attitude had vanished within seconds.<br>All that was left was the cruel monster that was his temper. The monster he had been hiding for months now.

But he wasn't going to beat anyone up. He was just going to yell at Karofsky for a while to let his feelings out, and then he would go find the principal. It was the rational thing to do, right?  
>But then Karofsky <em>really <em>crossed the line. Standing disgustingly close to him, he whispered quietly enough for only Blaine to hear:

"You know what, midget? I don't think you're as tough as you look. And you know what your precious little _fag _did last year? He kissed me. He let me touch every little part of his disgusting, faggy body..."

And that was just it. The picture of him and Kurt together made him want to hurl. It physically _hurt _him, thinking about it. Surely it must have been assault?

And with that, he let go of himself. He wrapped his arm around Karofskys ridiculously thick neck, using his free arm to elbow him in the stomach. He heard Karofsky moan out of pain, but he was blinded with hatred. He kept punching and kicking wherever he could reach.

Karofsky put up a fight, of course. He managed a few good punches and kicks himself, but Blaine was the obvious leader. His techniques were superior to Karofskys strenght, and when they were finally broken apart by Mr Schuester, Karofsky definitely came out looking worse than Blaine who got away with only some bad bruises.

Once the fight was over and Karofsky was taken to the nurse to be checked out, Mr Schuester tried to make Blaine do the same.  
>But Blaine only had eyes for one thing: making sure Kurt was okay.<br>So he refused all of Mr Schuesters attempts and instead kneeled beside Kurts curled up form.  
>Kurt was still crying.<p>

"I'm s-so sorry. I'm so p-pathetic", he said between the sobs.  
>Blaine pulled him up into a sitting position, trying to avoid any sore areas.<p>

"Kurt- no, look at me. Kurt. You are amazing. You are the most amazing person I've ever met. Okay?" He said and squeezed Kurt's hands.

Kurt met his eyes carefully. Then he nodded slowly.

"Okay. Okay, yes- Courage", he mumbled to himself.

And then he tried to stand up, but ended up falling on top of Blaine who managed to keep him somewhat upright. He was near tears again.

"I can't do _anything_right", he said helplessly.

It was devastating to see Kurt so upset.  
>Blaine didn't know what to do. Should he help Kurt home? Should they go to class?<br>Then he saw that Kurt's head was bleeding from when it had been slammed into that locker.

"Come on, I'll take you home", he said quietly.

"No, I can't. I have to stay. I can't- I can't be weak", Kurt argued.

Blaine looked at him for a few seconds.

"I'm taking you home. No, don't even try to resist. I might not be stronger than you but I'm much more clear-minded right now. Just let me take care of you, okay?" He said.

Kurt finally gave up and gave Blaine a single nod of approval.

Blaine pulled him to his feet and allowed Kurt to lean against him on the way to Blaines car.  
>He opened the passenger door and helped to Kurt sit down.<br>They were absolutely quiet for the entire drive over to Kurts house.


	5. Chapter 5

So, here's chapter 5! I think this story is getting worse by every chapter but, um, yeah... I'll just finish it off as quickly as I can, haha. I think I'll write one more chapter, maybe more if I get a great idea or something. (doubt it, lol)  
>I do appreciate the reviews and I'm sorry for the distracting grammar, I really am. I've only ever written fanfics for my eyes only so I don't really have a lot of experience, he he he. But yeah. I'd love more reviews with constructive criticism to improve my writing. Or just a comment that you've read it at all... um, yeah. Yeah whatever! Hahaha, I think I'm just rambling now. Sorry... here's the chapter anyway:<p>

* * *

><p><em>[Kurt's POV]<br>_

Kurt was so embarrassed. He hated being seen weak, and now he had once again cried openly at school. Not only had he cried in public: he had cried in front of Blaine. And he had been so miserable that Blaine had to help him home and make sure he was okay. He was _humiliated_.

He was currently in his bed. Carole fussed over him and asked over and over again how he was feeling. He wasn't sick or anything, why couldn't she just go away?  
>She had put some bandage over the head wound that the metal locker had caused. His head hurt terribly but he drowned it with aspirins. She had ordered him to stay in bed for the rest of the day and he didn't dare disobey her.<p>

Blaine had left shortly after he dropped Kurt off. He said that he should leave Kurt alone so he could sleep. But Kurt didn't _want_ to be alone. When he was alone, the monster within took control of him and all the self-doubts rose to the surface and made him feel even worse.

But he would rather be alone than have Carole running around his room, looking at him with those kind, worried eyes. He felt so ashamed of how often he had been in this position. He always got hurt by bullies and it always ended with his friends and family being left to take care of him. He was sick of it.  
>All Kurt wanted to do now was curl up in his bed and cry himself to sleep while watching The Lion King. It was his favourite movie to cry out to. He felt so thoroughly miserable.<p>

He couldn't stand anyone seeing him like this, not even Carole who had seen him at his very worst.  
>Well, not his very worst. She hadn't seen him slit his wrists open.<br>He just wanted to disappear from the face of the earth. Who would miss him, really?  
>No one. Right. Karofsky would be thrilled and everyone's lives would be so much easier because they wouldn't have to be around the train wreck that was Kurt Hummel.<p>

Kurt went to school the next day. Carole and Burt tried to make him stay at home for another day but he simply refused. He refused to be that weak. He had to go back and act as normal.  
>So he did. And as soon as he stepped inside the school he was welcomed with a slushie, as expected. A blueberry one.<br>He cursed loudly and stormed off to the bathroom to clean himself off.  
>He hated every single person on Earth and he just wished he could make them all disappear.<br>Or, even better, disappear himself.

***_**Later that day**__***_

Finn was staying over at Rachels' house.  
>Burt and Carole were out for the evening to enjoy a romantic dinner somewhere. They had given him a smile before they left and told him he shouldn't stay up because they would be home late.<p>

And Kurt was left alone. He had made himself some dinner, but then he just threw it away.  
>He didn't deserve to eat, he thought bitterly.<br>He tried to settle down in the living room, flipping through the TV channels for something to entertain him.

But nothing fit his mood and he was getting sadder and sadder. Dangerously sad.  
>His mind wandered as he watched some talk show about something he couldn't bother to care about.<p>

His day had been lousy. No one had talked to him. Not one single one of his friends. Or had they?  
>Maybe he had pushed them away. He didn't know. He just knew that he had spent his day being pushed around by the jocks as usual and he had hurt his back badly when he was shoved into a locker somewhere around second period. He had focused on protecting his head because it was still terribly sore, but it had resulted in his (also sore) back taking the full hit instead.<p>

His entire chest and back was covered in nasty bruises caused by bullies, his arms and hips were covered in self-made scars and his face was red and puffy from all the crying he had been doing. He was disgusting.  
>His good mood from the previous week had disappeared rapidly. He had now cut four times in the past four days. He could actually feel himself slipping.<p>

And yes, when he thought about it, his friends had tried to approach him. But he just snapped at them and told them to back off. Of course, he wanted them to do the opposite. He wanted them to take him in their arms and comfort him until he fell asleep. He hadn't slept more than two hours per night since Tuesday and today was Thursday.

But at the same time he kept telling himself he wasn't worthy of their love and their concerns. He wasn't worthy of being comforted. He should just do the whole world a favour and commit suicide. Save his surroundings from the mess he truly was.

And with that final thought, he got up from the couch and locked himself in the bathroom.  
>He didn't know why he locked the door. He was alone, after all. It was more of a reflex, a confirmation that no one could see him.<p>

He hadn't brought his razor with him which was safely hidden in his wardrobe. Instead he found a scissor in one of the cabinets. With little to no hesitation, he dragged it across his skin, pushing through the thin surface. The red relief came instantly. He tumbled to the floor, leaned against the door and pulled his knees up to his chest. He closed his eyes, tears still streaming down his face.

He glanced down at his arms and the multiple, fresh wounds that were bleeding furiously, blood pooling on the floor. He had never cut so deep before. Suddenly he felt very dizzy.  
>What had he done? Had he accidentally cut the artery? And if he had: had it even been an accident?<p>

Had he just attempted suicide?  
>A flood of emotions raged through him. Guilt. Intense, severe pain – mental and physical. Denial. <em>Relief.<em> And then – panic. No, he couldn't.  
>He couldn't leave his dad, Finn, Carole, his friends... <em>Blaine<em>.

Blaine, amazingly wonderful Blaine who had become his best friend in the three weeks they had known each other. Blaine who had the most beautiful eyes in the entire world, who always seemed to see through his fake laughs. Who, when he noticed that Kurt was feeling insecure or sad, would look firmly into his eyes and say:

"Kurt, you are amazing. Courage."

That one word sent a shiver down his spine: _courage.  
><em>He couldn't let himself do this. His eyes were already hard to keep focused.

With the little strength he had left he managed to get up on his feet and pull open some of the cabinets. He searched furiously for bandages and when he finally found them he wrapped them tightly around his wrists. He had never been more afraid in his entire life. He closed his eyes and prayed to whatever god he could think of that he wouldn't pass out and die on his bathroom floor.

His thoughts rested firmly on Blaine. He pictured his face and the terrible pain he would be left with if his friend died. Maybe even his best friend...  
>Kurt didn't want to live, but he absolutely didn't want to die either.<br>He remembered reading that it was important to apply pressure to open wounds. He already felt less dizzy. He wrapped the bandage tighter around his wrist and taped it to his skin with surgical tape that he found in a drawer.

He pulled down the sleeve of his shirt, cleaned up after himself and went back to the living room.  
>He was still slightly dizzy, but he felt steady enough to walk.<br>He layed down on the couch and pulled the covers up to his chin.  
>He tried to focus on the TV but he was still in a state of panic. What if he had cut a little deeper and he wouldn't have been able to stop the bleeding?<p>

He hadn't cut as deep as he had first thought and he had definitely not cut the artery.  
>He felt even more ashamed than he had before. And now he was exhausted too.<br>While he was busy dwelling in self-pity, he realised someone was knocking on the front door.

He got up reluctantly and checked himself in the mirror only to realise just how disgusting he really was. But as he doubted the uninvited guest would be anyone he had to impress, he went to open anyway. Oh, how wrong he was.

He soon found himself faced with a brightly smiling Blaine. He was wearing a bright-red bow tie, slim black pants and a white dress shirt. His curls were chaotic as usual and they looked especially amazing matched with his very proper outfit. Kurt's jaw dropped.  
>He really wished he hadn't been lying down for so long because his hair was completely messed up. And as if that wasn't humiliating enough he was wearing grey sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt he had borrowed from Finn that was way too big for him.<p>

"Oh, hi-", he mumbled.

"Hi! I know it's kind of rude to just come here unannounced like this but I, um, really wanted to see you. You seemed so sad at school so I thought I'd bring you something to cheer you up", Blaine said and handed him a little box wrapped in a silky blue paper with red, yellow, golden and silvery bows on top of it.

Kurt took it wordlessly and stared at him in disbelief.

"But I totally understand if you don't want to hang out though. Because if you're sad then you probably just want to hang out by yourself and eat ice cream and watch The Lion King or Bambi or something. I mean, that's what I usually do... um, yeah, I should probably just go before I make an even bigger fool out of myself", Blaine continued with an embarrassed smile.

He made a motion to go when Kurt closed his fingers around his wrist.

"You can stay if you want to", he said quietly.

Blaine looked genuinely surprised.

"Are you sure? I don't want to intrude-", he said hesitantly.

Kurt shook his head.

"Of course you can. Come in", he said firmly and closed the door behind him.

"I'll just go change into something not thoroughly disgusting. I'll have an anxiety attack if I'm in the same room as you while looking like this for much longer", Kurt said with a forced laugh.

"You really don't need to. You look great in everything", Blaine assured him as he took his shoes off.

"Next to you wearing that? Not really, no", Kurt said.

"I'm serious. You look great", Blaine said with a smile that made Kurt melt.

"Thank you-", Kurt said hesitantly.

He saved himself the embarrassment of blushing by motioning Blaine into the living room  
>They sat down next to each other on the couch.<p>

"I was just going to watch Beauty and the Beast, actually. Is that okay?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah! That's like my favourite. But, um, I can't stay too long. I don't want to fall asleep while driving home", Blaine said.

"You could stay over. If you want to", Kurt suggested nervously.

"Really? That would be really- um, helpful. But won't your dad mind?" Blaine asked.

"Maybe- But he and Carole won't be home for a couple of hours anyway and I really don't want to be alone", Kurt said and bit his lip.

Blaine nodded slowly.

"Then you shouldn't be", he said.

Kurt kneeled in front of the TV and put the movie into the DVD-player.  
>Then he went back to the couch and settled down beside Blaine.<br>He pulled the cover over them both and pressed Play.

For other guys it would probably be a weird situation. Sitting close together under the covers while watching Disney in a completely dark room. But Blaine and Kurt had gotten so close that it felt like they had known each other forever and this wasn't at all awkward.

Kurt quickly felt comfortable with having Blaine so close. But they still had some distance between them until the last ten minutes or so of the movie. When the Beast got shot and he was fighting with Gaston, Kurt got so upset and emotional that he automatically moved closer to Blaine and seized his hand. He held it tightly, without even realising it, for ten minutes solid.

Blaine noticed, though. He was too busy printing in the feeling of having Kurt's hand in his into his mind that he completely forgot about the movie. Once it was over, Kurt wiped away his tears and sighed heavily.

"This is just the greatest movie of all times", he said fondly.

Blaine just held his breath and waited for Kurt to realise he still held Blaine's' hand firmly in his. It didn't take too long before he released him and sat up, staring wide-eyed at Blaine.

"I'm sorry! I just- this movie makes me so emotional- I-", he rambled.

"Kurt, stop it. Breathe. I never asked you to let go", Blaine said softly.

Kurt kept staring at him.

Then he relaxed his body and sunk back onto the couch, resting his head against Blaine's' shoulder.

Blaine carefully joined their hands together again.

Kurt wondered quietly if this meant that Blaine had feelings for him too.

A part of him wished that he did. But there was also a part of him that wanted to protect Blaine against Kurt and his sadness.  
>Blaine deserved the very best and Kurt could never live up to that.<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

_[Blaine's POV]_

Blaine was painfully aware of his own breathing. It was uneven and incoherent.  
>His heart pounded furiously and it felt as though it would explode in his chest.<br>And why was his body reacting so intently?

Because one Kurt Hummel was currently sleeping with his head propped up against Blaine's shoulder. Their hands were still firmly intertwined and the smell of Kurt was intoxicating him entirely.  
>He prayed to whatever god he could think of that Kurt would not wake up and feel Blaine's heart racing beneath him. It would be so humiliating.<br>He had no idea what he was supposed to do.

Kurt was obviously exhausted and had fallen asleep shortly after the movie had ended.  
>Blaine just couldn't relax enough to do the same. In his mind he was going over the last couple of hours, over and over again. What did all of this mean?<br>He had never been good at these kind of things. He never knew when and how to make a move.

But if he was ever going to, this was certainly the right moment for it. If he did nothing now, then he might never gather the courage to go through with it.  
>But Kurt was asleep at the moment so there was really no point in trying to make a decision right now. Instead he tried to relax and fall asleep as well. But just as he was about to give in to the comfort of sleep, he could hear the front door opening. He stiffened immediately.<p>

It was either Kurt's brother or parents, and neither would be particularly happy to see the two of them like this. Should he pretend to be asleep or attempt to wake Kurt up?

Before he could make a decision, Kurt yawned loudly and straightened up to stretch out his arms and legs which were stiff from sitting still for several hours.

"Kurt? You home?", someone called from the hall.

Kurt's eyes widened and he turned around to look at Blaine who was watching him awkwardly.  
>He stared for a few seconds before he remembered to answer his dad.<p>

"I'm in the living room", he called back.

"Maybe I should go", Blaine suggested.

Kurt threw a quick look at his iPhone to check the time.

"No, it's almost eleven o'clock. You shouldn't drive", he said.

"Kurt? Who are you talking to?", Burt called.

A few seconds later he walked into the living room, too busy looking at his phone to see Blaine.  
>When he finally looked up he jumped slightly at the surprise.<p>

"Oh, hi Blaine", he said awkwardly. Then he shot Kurt a look and added: "Kurt, can I see you in the kitchen for a minute?"

Blaine glanced at him as Kurt got to his feet and followed his dad out of the room.  
>He tried not to eavesdrop but he still caught some of the phrases coming out of the half-closed door which led to the kitchen.<p>

"What is he doing here? Are you guys together now?"

"No, we-"

"I already told you to tell me beforehand if you are going to have sleep overs. And I would expect you to have better judgement than to go behind my back while I was out for the night."

"It's not like that-"

"I am very disappointed in you, Kurt."

"Dad! I didn't invite him in, he just showed up."

There was a few moments of silence until Burt broke it.

"Do you want me to kick him out?"

Blaine blushed furiously. Kurt's dad obviously thought he had invited himself in without Kurt's consent. Maybe he could sneak out without anyone noticing? It would be less embarrassing.

"No! He just wanted to know if I was okay because I was a little put out at school-"

"Why? What has happened? Is that Karofsky kid bothering you again?"

"Dad- please, let me finish. He just came over to see if I was alright and I felt kind of lonely so I asked if he wanted to stay and watch Beauty and the Beast. Nothing _happened_. He was just being supportive."

Another silence, once again broken by Burt.

"Alright then. And he's staying here tonight?"

"Yes. I don't want him to drive back this late."

"I could drive him-"

"Why can't he just-"

"What about school tomorrow? He doesn't have a change of clothes, right?"

"We have the day off. The teachers are having some kind of education day."

Another voice broke in. Blaine quickly understood that it was Carole.

"Burt, honey, let the boy stay. If Kurt needs to have a friend with him today and Blaine's available, why chase him away? He's a nice boy, very polite."

Blaine heard a muffled sigh from Burt who was obviously losing the argument.

"Yes, alright. He can stay. But he'll take the couch, alright?"

"Fine. Thank you."

The kitchen door creaked slightly and Kurt returned to the living room.  
>He caught one look at Blaine and sighed quietly.<p>

"You heard every word, I suppose?", he asked.

Blaine nodded slowly.

"I tried not to", he said.

"It's fine. Well, you can stay. We can get the couch ready and then we can go down to my room and watch another movie before we go to sleep. Unless you want to sleep right away?", Kurt asked.

"No, that sounds fine", Blaine said quickly.

They made Blaine's temporary bed and then headed for Kurt's room.  
>On their way there they passed Burt and Carole who were talking in hushed voices in the hallway. Burt looked suspiciously at Blaine as he passed.<br>He felt really guilty for upsetting Burt and, being raised as he had been raised, he felt a need to apologise.

"I'm really sorry for the inconvenience, sir. It won't happen again", he said humbly.

Burt's face expression softened at the obvious humility in his voice.

"No need for fancy titles, kid. Call me Burt", he said.

Kurt smiled thankfully at his father before the two of them disappeared to his room.

"I'm sorry, he's not that stiff usually. He's just really protective of me", Kurt said as he closed his bedroom door behind them.

"No, it's fine. It's not polite of me to just barge in anyway...", Blaine said.

Kurt rolled his eyes.

"You're not barging in. I told you to stay, remember? It's lucky you came over, anyway, because who knows what stupid things I would have done otherwise", he said casually and sat down on his bed with his legs crossed.

Blaine eyed him carefully.

"What stupid things?", he asked slowly.

Kurt's eyes widened in fright.

"I- um- nothing", he stuttered.

"Kurt-", Blaine began.

"It's nothing, okay?", Kurt said a little sharper than he had intended.

"Okay", Blaine said softly.

Kurt sighed.

"I'm sorry, I'm not mad at you. It's just- it's nothing", he said with a small shrug.

"Okay. But if there is something that's bothering you, you can always talk to me about it. I hope you know that", Blaine said.

Kurt smiled.

"I know."

They were silent for a few seconds before Blaine smiled and walked over to the television set to look at the DVD's that were stacked neatly underneath it.

"What do you feel like watching?", he asked as he flipped through the covers.

"I don't know. You can pick one", Kurt said and lay down on the bed. "Nothing too sad, though."

"Hm, okay. What about this one?", Blaine suggested and held up one of the DVD's high enough for Kurt to glance over and read the title. It was Bambi.

"That's like the saddest movie of all times!", Kurt protested.

"Yeah, you're right, sorry. Okay, so, probably something that's not Disney then. OH! I know. We can watch Mean Girls", Blaine said with a hopeful smile.

Kurt raised an eyebrow at this suggestion.

"Really, Blaine? Mean Girls? Because that's not gay at all", he teased.

"Well, you're the one who owns a copy!", Blaine retorted.

"Touché", Kurt said and laughed. "Alright, put it on."

Blaine did so gladly and then actually _skipped_ through the room and landed himself on Kurt's bed, right next to Kurt's head.  
>He rubbed his hands together as he chanted "Press Play, press Play, Press play" over and over again.<br>Kurt sat up and picked up the remote from his bed side table.

"Relax, will you?", Kurt said with a smirk as he finally pressed Play.  
>Blaine blushed embarrassedly.<p>

"Sorry. I just _love_Mean Girls. It's my dirty pleasure movie, you know? The one you never admit you like but secretly you watch it every day and just lay on your bedroom floor and cry because it's so thoroughly amazing!", Blaine said. His eyes were shining with excitement.

Kurt laughed out loud.

"You are so adorable. I would never have picked you as a Mean Girls kind of guy", he said.

"That's the thing! People expect me to be all into Fight Club and James Bond and these really manly movies but in reality I've always been more of a chick flick-lover. Like, I was totally obsessed with the Twilight books but then the movies sucked so I kind of lost taste for it. And I've read Harry Potter since I was like seven and yeah, that's not really girly but it's _nerdy_and people like to put the 'cool, straight and masculine'-label on me and then they get really confused when it turns out that my main interests are bow ties, musicals, Disney and boys", Blaine said with a chuckle.

"Well, you do look like Prince Charming so I'm not really surprised people think you're straight. But I mean, I always figured Prince Charming was secretly gay. He never had any chemistry with Cinderella after all", Kurt said with a gentle snort.

Blaine choked slightly but managed to keep his voice somewhat steady.

"I look like Prince Charming?", he asked.

Kurt stared at him. His cheeks reddened and he suffocated a giggle.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry. It just slipped out. Forget I said it, okay? Just focus on Mean Girls so I can dwell in embarrassment for a few seconds", he said with a weak smile and turned away from Blaine's eyes.

"I- no, don't be embarrassed. I was just surprised. No one has ever compared me to Prince Charming before. I've always been told I'm more of a Beast. Having bushy eyebrows and extremely curly hair makes it kind of unavoidable to be being called 'the Beast'", he said with a sad smile.

"I'm not saying you ever were a Beast but even if you had been, you still evolved into Prince Charming when you met your Belle. And what did the mean kids aka Gaston evolve into? Nothing particularly interesting. They just remained narrow-minded bullies, but _you_got the princess and the castle and the happy ever after", Kurt said.

He blushed a little at the super cheesy comparison.  
>But as usual, Blaine just smiled. Kurt's words nestled in through his defences and nailed themselves to his heart. But as he repeated his words in his head, his thoughts stumbled upon a sentence that made his hope rise just as quickly as his heart was currently pounding.<p>

"When I met my Belle? And who is that?", Blaine asked.

Kurt opened his mouth to speak but quickly shut it again and blushed instead.

"I should think before I speak. I'm not usually this embarrassing", he said after a while.

Mean Girls had been rolling in the background but neither one had noticed.  
>"You're not embarrassing. Kurt, look, maybe I'm wrong but is there something going on with us?", Blaine asked. He hadn't been this afraid since he had come out to his family.<p>

"There is nothing going on", Kurt said sharply.

Blaine recoiled at the sudden harshness in his voice.  
>Kurt noticed and shook his head slowly.<p>

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-", he began.

"No, it's fine. I just thought I'd ask", Blaine interrupted. "Maybe I should just go."

"No! Don't go", Kurt said quickly.

"I just- I really like you. Like, _really_. And it's okay that you don't feel the same way, I'm not blaming you, but it takes a while to get used to it so I should probably go and get myself together", Blaine said quietly. He scooted off the bed and got to his feet to leave, but was pulled back as Kurt got up too and clinged onto his arm.

"Don't go. Please. I- I like you too. I _love_you. But I'm just- I can't-"

A soft sob escaped Kurt's throat. His eyes were glassy and he looked at Blaine in a way that made his heart shatter into a million tiny, sharp pieces.

"I don't understand-", Blaine began.

Kurt looked as if he was on the verge of breaking down.

"Can you keep a secret?", he whispered.

Blaine nodded, a horrible feeling creeping up inside him.

Kurt let go of his arm.  
>"Please don't judge me." He took a deep breath and began to roll up the sleeves of his shirt.<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry for the late update! I've been out of town for the last couple of days and it was really difficult writing this last chapter, so it took a little while longer than I expected. I wrote a few different endings but this was the one I was the most happy with. Thank you so much for the reviews on the previous chapter, they made me very happy! Hope you enjoy this chapter too. xx

* * *

><p><em>[Kurt's POV]<em>

Blaine couldn't stop the gasp that escaped his lips as Kurt revealed the skin that had been hidden beneath the soft fabric of his shirt.  
>It was covered in furiously red cuts and scratches and they were so many that it was impossible to tell every cut apart. Some of them were old and faded, but the majority were new and not fully healed. The bandages he had wrapped around his wrists a couple of hours earlier were soaked through with blood.<p>

Blaine looked up at Kurt who refused to meet his gaze.  
>Kurt shook his head as tears rolled down his cheeks.<p>

"I hate myself. This is the only way I can cope with everything and I'm so ashamed but I can't help it. I just feel so worthless all the time. Like a complete waste of space", he whispered.

Blaine's lack of words made Kurt sick to his stomach. Why had he shown him? Why hadn't he just acted as if nothing was wrong?  
>Why did he have to be so weak <em>all the time<em>?

A part of him blamed Blaine.  
>Why did he have to be so charming and perfect? He saw right through Kurt and made him spill all his darkest secrets. And now Blaine <em>knew<em>.  
>He would just take one look at Kurt and leave him, just like everyone else in his life.<p>

"Kurt- I-", Blaine finally began.

"Just go", Kurt sobbed.

He rolled down his sleeves again and sat down on his bed with his legs pressed up against his chest.  
>Blaine stood helplessly in the middle of the room and just looked at him.<p>

"Go!", Kurt repeated angrily as he curled into himself even more.

He needed Blaine to disappear. Now. He couldn't stand the look of disappointment and disgust that Blaine was surely giving him.  
>He couldn't stand it. He just wanted to take out his razor and slash his wrists open again, but this time he wouldn't stop them from bleeding him dry.<p>

"Please, Kurt, I want to stay. We should talk about this", Blaine said desperately.

"No. Go", Kurt said. His eyes were fixed on his mattress. He refused to look at Blaine.

He had never felt more vulnerable.

"No, I-", Blaine began.

But before he could finish the sentence, Burt appeared in the door.

"What's going on here? I heard shouting", he said suspiciously.

Then he noticed Kurt's curled up form and the tears on his face.  
>His mood quickly evolved into right out furious.<p>

"What the hell have you done?", he asked Blaine.

Blaine froze on the spot and just stared at Burt with his hazel eyes widened.

"I- I didn't-", he stuttered.

"Kurt? Do you want me to kick him out?", Burt asked abruptly.

Kurt bit his lip. He hated the thought of Blaine leaving, but he couldn't even look at him right now without feeling the urge to throw up. He was so ashamed and he couldn't stand to have Blaine remind him of how useless he was.

Without a single glance in Blaine's direction, he nodded.

"Right. I suggest you go voluntary or I'll have to force you", Burt threatened. "Kurt, do you want to talk about this? Or should I leave you to sleep?"

"J-just leave", Kurt mumbled.

He dared a glance at Blaine who quickly wiped away a few tears. It broke Kurt's heart.

"Don't forget your present", Blaine said quietly.

Tears continued to stream down Kurt's face as he heard Blaine and Burt leave the room and close the door behind them.

He picked up the neatly wrapped gift from the desk where he had put it earlier.  
>As he unwrapped it and found its content, tears completely blurred his sight.<br>Among the shredded silk paper was a golden bow tie with a little note pinned to it.

_So you can stay fabulous even when you're sad._

* * *

><p>Kurt didn't sleep at all that night.<br>He just lay completely apathetic in his bed, his legs pressed against his chest and his eyes firmly closed. But no matter how much he tried to drown his thoughts he kept seeing Blaine's face of horror when he had showed him the scars. The scars-

Why had he been so stupid? What good could possibly have come out of it?  
>Now it was just horrible between the two of them. How was Kurt supposed to face him ever again, knowing that Blaine <em>knew<em>.

He spent the entire day off in bed. Burt came in a few times to check on him but he pretended to be asleep so he wouldn't have to explain what the fight had been about.  
>He wrote a few texts to Blaine, but erased them all before he could gather the courage to send them.<p>

He felt guilty for throwing him out. For telling him and making him feel guilty for Kurt's sadness.  
>And what if Blaine told anyone?<br>No one could know. It was bad enough that he had told Blaine. What if his dad found out? Or Carole? Or Finn-

It would be a disaster. They would freak out and cry and nothing would ever be the same.  
>They would look and talk and act differently towards him. He would forever be seen as the freak who cut his wrists everytime he got sad.<p>

No. No one else could know.

* * *

><p>"You really do look fabulous in that."<p>

Kurt jumped at the sound of Blaine's voice. He was standing by his locker, too absorbed by his own thoughts to have noticed Blaine approaching him.  
>Blaine was referring to the golden bow tie that he had gotten Kurt that was currently neatly tied around his neck. He had felt a little safer wearing it today, because it felt like he had a part of Blaine with him.<p>

"Thank you", Kurt mumbled.

"Can we talk?", Blaine asked then, leaning against the locker next to Kurt's.

It was fourth period and he had avoided Blaine the entire day. But now he had failed to do so and here he was, dapper as always with that concerned look in his eyes.

"Look, I really don't want to talk about this. Can we just pretend like nothing happened?", Kurt asked and returned his gaze to the inside of his locker. He flicked through his History book without really paying any attention to it.

"Of course I can't just drop it. Kurt, you need to-", Blaine began.

"No. I don't _need_ anything. Not from you or anyone else. Okay?", Kurt said sharply.

"You said you loved me", Blaine said quietly.

Kurt stiffened.

"Yes-", he said slowly.

"Did you mean it?", Blaine asked.

Kurt glanced at him. He looked tense.

"I- yes. I did", Kurt admitted and looked away again.

"Then shouldn't we talk about all of this? Wouldn't you want to talk to me if the roles were reversed? I'm sure you wouldn't just let it slide if you knew that I was doing something like that to myself", Blaine said.

"There is nothing to talk about. I have it under control", Kurt said firmly.

"You might think this is something you can handle and control, and maybe you can at the moment, but there will come a moment when you can't anymore. One day you won't be able to stop in time and you will go too far. You need to get help before you get in way too deep", Blaine said.

"And how can you be so sure of that? You don't know me better than I do. I know my own boundaries", Kurt snapped.

Blaine smiled sadly.

"Trust me, I know what I'm talking about", he said.

The words made Kurt shiver.

"Why? Why do you know anything at all about these things?", he asked slowly.

Blaine looked carefully at him before he spoke.

"Can I tell you something? Now that we're finally being completely honest, I mean", he said.

"Of course", Kurt said quietly.

Blaine glanced around the hallway where other students were laughing and talking like always.

"Not here, though. Maybe we could go to the choir room, or the auditorium", he suggested.

"I have class", Kurt protested.

"Me too, but this is more important", Blaine said intently.

Kurt eyed him for a few seconds before he nodded.

"The auditorium should be empty", he said.

They went there in complete silence.  
>Kurt couldn't sort out his feelings long enough to figure out how he felt about the whole situation.<p>

He was scared of what Blaine was about to tell him. He was scared to talk about his self-harm and the self-hatred that infected him constantly. He was scared of losing Blaine because he couldn't face his problems.

Who could possibly want a best friend that was sad all the time and had to hurt himself in order to cope with it? Not to mention a _boyfriend_.

If Blaine had ever felt anything for Kurt, those feelings must have disappeared the second he saw Kurt's scars. No one could love a self-destructive freak like him.

When they reached the auditorium, they locked the doors and then sat down on the edge of the stage. Blaine crossed his legs and turned around so he faced Kurt, who did the same.

He took a deep breath and then fixed his eyes on Kurt who was really starting to feel uneasy.

"I don't know how to go about this. Ever since you showed me your arms last Wednesday, I've just kept thinking how I need to tell you this. To encourage you to get help. Because I know that you don't think this is a big problem like I do. You think it's just a way to relieve pain or sadness, but it's really, really dangerous", he said.

He twisted his hands in his lap.

"My brother killed himself when I was twelve. He self-harmed for two years and I accidentally walked in on him cutting himself when he had done it for about a year. He made me promise not to tell anyone so I just watched helplessly as he slowly destroyed himself. He said that I shouldn't worry, that he had it under control. He said that it was his way of coping with everything that was going on in his life. But then one day he just couldn't take it anymore, so he slit his wrists in the bathroom. He left a suicide note on my bed where he thanked me for keeping his secret. He didn't even mention our parents because he never got along with them. It was always just me and him, against them."

He glanced at Kurt who sat with his legs crossed right in front of him, their knees touching slightly. Kurt inched closer to him and slid his hands into Blaine's closed palms, who looked grateful for the support.

"They have blamed me for his death ever since they read that letter. They keep telling me I should have told someone so he could have gotten help in time. But I promised him, you know? And I was just twelve years old, how was I supposed to even understand what he was doing? Anyhow, I just want you to know that I won't let that happen to you too. I won't let you leave me like he did. He was the best thing I had in my life and one day he was just gone. I couldn't save him, but I can save you", he said.

Kurt was aware that his mouth was wide open but he couldn't care less.  
>If he had been fighting with his feelings before, it was nothing compared to the emotional war that was raging inside of him now.<p>

He felt guilty for making Blaine re-live that painful memory.

He felt heartbroken and devastated that Blaine had gone through such a horrible thing in addition to the other bad things that had happened to him in his life.

He felt like the worst person in the entire world for being so selfish that he dumped his personal issues on Blaine, who had clearly had his fair share of self-destructive drama in his life already.

He was ashamed of how much he must have hurt Blaine by showing him his scars, reminding him of his brother and almost putting him in the same position as he had been in a few years ago. What if he had actually committed suicide? Would Blaine have survived the shock?

He tried to fight the tears that choked up in his throat but simply couldn't.

"Oh, Kurt", Blaine mumbled as Kurt's entire body began to shake with intense sobs.

He moved closer to him and put his arms around Kurt who surrendered to the warm comfort that was being offered. He curled up in Blaine's arms and cried into his shoulder.  
>Blaine stroked his hair and whispered words of comfort in his ear.<p>

"I-I'm so sorry", Kurt sobbed.

"Don't be. None of this is your fault", Blaine said.

But instead of calming him it just made Kurt sob even harder.

"I feel so useless", he whispered.

Blaine pulled away from him slightly so he could look down at him.

He rubbed his thumb against Kurt's damp cheek. He smiled slightly.

"You are amazing", he said soothingly.

Kurt met his gaze and nodded slowly. Then he buried his face in Blaine's shirt again.

"I'm really sorry that your brother died", he mumbled.

"I know. I am too", Blaine replied. They sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Do you think you can tell your dad about this?", Blaine asked suddenly.

"No! Or- I don't know. Maybe", Kurt said hesitantly.

"I really think you should, but I understand if it's too hard right now. I can come with you, if you want me to", Blaine offered.

"I'm just afraid that it will upset them", Kurt said quietly.

"They will be upset. They will be _very_ upset. But not because they will be disappointed or disgusted, but because they love you and they don't want you to get hurt. They will cry and they will be scared, very scared, but it's necessary because then they can help you to get better", Blaine said.

"I hate seeing other people cry. I feel so helpless. And to actually be the cause of others misery is just torture", Kurt said.

"If you keep this a secret, it will be harder for you to be happy some day. But if you deal with all of this now, then you'll be happy much sooner. Pretending to be happy is useless, it doesn't make it real", Blaine said and slowly ran his hand through Kurt's hair. Kurt was too busy thinking his situation over to even notice it.

"I know. But- not today. This has been exhausting enough", Kurt said.

"Not today", Blaine agreed. "But maybe next week."

"Maybe. If you come with me", Kurt nodded.

"Of course."

"Do we have to go back to class?", Kurt asked.

"No. We can stay here, or go somewhere else. It's just Glee Club left today and they won't miss us. I heard Rachel talk about some cheesy song she would sing to Finn today so I actually think we're better off elsewhere", Blaine said.

They got to their feet and Kurt straightened out his shirt that had become wrinkled.

He snorted softly.

"I think I'll throw up next time I have to endure another one of their romantic duets. Why can't they let anyone else sing for a change? Stupid Glee Club, stupid Mr. Schue, stupid-", Kurt began angrily but was cut off by Blaine taking the single step that kept them apart and pulling Kurt into his arms.

"I love you", he said fondly before his lips found Kurt's for the first time.

Kurt gasped softly before he quickly wrapped his arms around Blaine's neck in response.

The initially soft kiss grew deeper and they were soon forced apart to catch their breaths.  
>Blaine smiled at him as their foreheads were still joined together. Kurt tried to smile back but it got caught in his throat.<p>

"What's wrong?", Blaine asked quietly. He loosened his grip around Kurt in case that was the reason for his lack of enthusiasm.

"I- I'm just not sure I'll be enough for you", Kurt said hesitantly.

Blaine shook his head and pulled him closer again.

"You will always be enough for me", he said firmly.

Then he placed a gentle kiss on Kurt's lips, but he pulled away before Kurt could respond properly.  
>He slid his hand down Kurt's chest until he found his hand.<p>

"Let's get out of here. I'll buy you lunch", Blaine said and tugged Kurt along with him down from the stage and to the locked doors.

Kurt glanced at him as Blaine unlocked the door and peered out to see if there were any teachers or Glee kids around. He turned back to Kurt with a smile.  
>Kurt still looked slightly hesitant.<br>Blaine squeezed his hand.

"Don't worry. Everything will be alright. Let's just focus on lunch right now, okay?", he said.

Kurt nodded and managed a genuine smile at last.

"Okay", he said.

"I love you", Blaine reminded him.

Kurt smiled again.

"I love you too."

And with that they left the auditorium, hand in hand, not bothering with the hateful looks they got on their way to Blaine's car. Kurt felt more safe now, with Blaine next to him, than he had felt in a very long time. He felt as if everything would actually work out alright.

Maybe he would actually get to be happy some day.  
>All he knew was that he loved Blaine, and Blaine loved him. And if he could just continue to be enough for Blaine, then everything would be okay.<p> 


End file.
